Daily Diatribe 6/2/97:"Amuse me, bloodsucking leeches!"
I am so sick of paying for things. Especially things that aren't fun. I've just tossed more than one thousand simoleons (check with Boss Hogg for spelling) into the wishing well, and what did I get in return? I'll tell you: new tires, a couple of squarish stickers for my license plate, and the ability to come to a complete stop when I push on the brake pedal. Now, while each of these things is important in its own way, I derived little to no pleasure from the expenditure. Contrast that with the giddiness I feel when slipping my ten little piggies into a glamorous new pair of shoes or pulling an overpriced dress on over my head, and I'm sure you'll see that these practical expenses are completely lacking in the fun department and are therefore downright painful to pay.
Here's a thought: I submit that there should be a mandatory fun factor included in all expenses of the practical nature. I would have no problem forking over my co-payment if my doctor would agree to conduct the examination wearing a clown costume and to speak only when sufficient helium had first been swallowed to amuse and delight. I say, when the Highway Patrol writes me up a ticket, the officer should offer to give me a complimentary neck massage for my troubles. And next time I pay my car or homeowner's insurance, I think my agent should dance an entertaining little jig for me. It's not as if these items would present any smaller a strain on my ever-waning assets -- it's just that it might not hurt quite so much. I might enjoy letting go of the cash for once. Heck, if that insurance dance is rousing enough, I might even consider throwing in a tip. My purse may be empty, but my heart would be full. Almost a fair trade, if you ask me.
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1997 Mary Forrest.