who merit a hearty scowl: (Your nominations
are welcome, and your participation is greatly appreciated.)
97-04-26 17:32:32 EDT
Your brand of humor is decidedly old hat and tiresome. Instead of
looking for the downside of everything, why not try taking a more
positive approach...you'll be less likely to become a victim of your
own jaded observations. Therefore, I nominate CYNICISM...it throws
a shadow on everyone's joy. Since it's an asbstract [sic] term,
why not just nominate yourself?
Wow! -- somebody
woke up wearing the grumpy hat! Thanks for your inspiring comments,
Sara. Incidentally, all the cool sarahs spell it with an "h." Chevy
Chase - Have a seat, Mr. Chase. Your
fifteen minutes are over. Long over. Just sit tight and wait for the
release of Modern Problems: The Specal Edition.
Bale's Wife - By marrying and making
happy the singular love of my younger sister's life, you have destroyed
any chance of her ever becoming all that she can be. Shame on you.
If you would just step aside and let Beulah Forrest have your husband,
birds would sing, clouds would fluff, dogs in the park would join
to perform barbershop renditions of Sweet Adeline. Can you
honestly live with what you are doing and what it's costing the world?
Lee Gifford - This one's for you,
Adam. [Author's Epilogue: Karma, thy name is Frank.]
Makers of Ritz Air Crisps (TM) -
Stop trying to make me fat! You're evil. Pure evil!
Julie Brown - A pox on the foul vermin
-- despite my typical reluctance to speak ill of the Psychic Friends
Network-- who keep employing this tramp! Don't get me wrong. I've
got nothing against tramps. But find me a tramp with something to
say, why don't you. JB's still hoping to get mileage out of her sexcapade
with Billy Idol. I know what you're saying: Billy Who? Exactly.
Simpson - I know this lacks originality,
but let it never be said that I fumbled an opportunity to shake a
disapproving finger at The Juice.
Irish - I'm kidding.
Religious Right - I'm not kidding.
the Nominees Are...
(I'm so pleased
to be a conduit of unadulterated loathing.)
Judy C. nominates:
- "for taking Jimmy Stewart, Jim Henson, and Robert Heinlein."
Scott J. nominates:
Gingrich - Perhaps it will one day
come out that Newt Gingrich has been struggling to suppress public
knowledge of the existence of his evil twin (also named Newt) who
is ultimately responsible for his decidedly hypocritical appearance.
I guess I could accept that.
Wall Street Journal - On this one,
I will allow Judy to explain in this excerpt from her nomination:
"The entire editorial staff of the Wall Street Journal. They please
their owners without regard to truth or journalism or truthful journalism...Actually,
throw in the owners of the Wall Street Journal."
Simpson's Amoral Entourage - This
means you,"Dream Team." And everyone else who sought to gain notoriety
on the blood-speckled coattails of the Juice.
Ryan S. nominates:
the Impaler - Cruel and senseless
slaughterer of innocents
- Cruel and senseless slaughterer
van Patten - Well, I hardly think
this entry requires justification.
To see your own opinions
typed here in green, please feel free to submit
J. - Because "Vlad the Impaler kicked
ass. Men just can't be that assertive anymore."
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